


Used

by SpaceWife



Category: Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a sad ending, Artemis is Tigress, Dick Grayson is Nightwing, F/M, Gen, Past Dick Grayson/Zatanna Zatara, Past Relationship(s), Sort of major character death, Wally West is Kid Flash, YJ Episode: s2 e7 Depths, Young Justice - Freeform, basically writing my own aftermath to the whole artemis 'dies' thing, she's also 'dead', zee deserved better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-24 22:59:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14365536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceWife/pseuds/SpaceWife
Summary: Set before and after the events of “Depths” in Young Justice, Dick sets out to do whatever it takes to make this mission a success which may end up with him seriously hurting someone he still cares deeply for. Zatanna has to deal with her feelings for a certain boy wonder and the aftermath of losing her best friend, Artemis. So, what happens when she’s told that she was used and lied to by someone she trusted with her life?A Young Justice Chalant fic which I am cross-posting from Tumblr -Rated teen and up for some swearing, slight mentions of NSFW things, and angst.





	Used

“It’s extremely important that this mission stays between the four of us. No one else can know. Understood?” said Dick, stressing his words as if to lend his utterances an extra emphasis. 

He looked pointedly at each of the three faces, each one holding a different expression; Kaldur with a seriousness he always had when it came to missions, Artemis; apprehensive but focused and Wally who looked the most concerned despite being the only one not going on this mission. He’d retired and Artemis had too, supposedly. Perhaps he always knew she could never leave this life for good. 

“So, how are we going to make Artemis look like a different person exactly? Is there some kind of tech or something?” Wally asked, holding Artemis’ hand just that slightest bit harder. 

“I’ve been looking around and I stumbled across something called a ‘Glamour charm’,” Dick explained, expanding a document that looked like an essay, filled to the brim with jargon. “I’m not sure how it works, but I know it works off magic and that we can get one for the mission. It’s a better and safer option to conceal Artemis’ identity.”

He knew he shouldn’t have been-after all, he’d seen a lot of weird crap in his life-but Wally was highly sceptical about some magic charm being entrusted to protect the identity of his girlfriend while she was behind enemy lines and right in the thick of it, too. Artemis sensed Wally’s scepticism and squeezed his hand; a reassuring gesture they had both become accustomed to using. 

“If this, whatever it is, is as powerful as it’s sounding, there’s no way Fate is going to give you one that easily, Dick. What then?” Wally voiced his doubts. 

“I’m not asking Dr Fate. I’m going to get one from Zee,” Dick replied without missing a beat. 

As Wally and Dick discussed the finer details of the plan along with Kaldur, Artemis couldn’t help but begin to feel anxious about the way Dick was going to go about getting what he needed. If this charm was this powerful, she knew Zatanna wouldn’t procure it without knowing every detail. But knowing Nightwing, he would take the secrecy of this mission to the furthest extent he could and as a result, he’d probably do anything to get what was necessary. That was what worried Artemis. She’d grown close to Zatanna; they were best friends but maybe after this whole thing, Artemis wouldn’t have to worry about being friends with her either. Zatanna had been there for Artemis through so much and now as repayment, Artemis was going to lie to her face, fake her own death and in the process, break her emotionally. Was the mission worth it?

“Artemis, you coming?” Wally called out from the doorway, frowning at the far off look in Artemis’ eyes. 

“I’ll…” Artemis trailed off, “I’ll meet you at the car.” 

Wally hesitated momentarily but brushed off her odd behaviour and left the rundown warehouse. Artemis walked over to Dick as he said his goodbye to Kaldur and felt the nervous pit in her stomach deepen. 

“Dick?”

Dick turned and immediately noticed Artemis’ anxious mood. 

She wrung her hands over and over in front of her and her head stayed slightly bowed, eyes trained on her boots. But with a loud exhale, she looked up and made eye contact with a slightly confused Dick. 

“You’re not getting cold feet are you? Because you should save it for yours and Wally’s wedding day,” he joked, taking pride in the bright red colouration across Artemis’ face. 

She shoved him in the shoulder, scoffing at even the idea that her and Wally would be married. But there was no conviction behind it; she didn’t mind the idea so much.  
“No, you idiot. It’s just-” Artemis paused. 

There it was again. There was this lump in her throat that appeared when she thought about what she was going to do and what she was going to do to her friendship. It was a mixture of feelings; concern, fear, anxiousness. 

Artemis took a deep breath in and tried again. “You’re not going to tell ‘Tanna about this, are you?” 

He didn’t need to speak for her to know the answer. Of course he wouldn’t tell her. 

“Artemis, you know I can’t,” he sighed. 

“What are you going to tell her then? I mean, you’re going to have to tell her something to get that charm off her. It’s not like you’re together anymore,” Artemis pointed out.

Dick flinched the smallest amount but it didn’t go unnoticed to Artemis’ trained eyes. 

“Zee trusts me. Don’t worry about that, I’ll get the charm,” Dick reassured confidently. 

“I’m not worried about the charm. I’m worried about Zatanna, Dick. She’s my best friend and faking my death is going to ruin her. I know you two broke up, but don’t push her away. You have to be there for her when I can’t be. You better be there for her because if I find out that you weren’t…” Artemis stopped, leaving her threat unfinished but the point was there. 

“It’ll be fine. Zee will be fine once all of this is over and she finds out that the mission went well with her help. It won’t matter then whether she knew about it or not,” stated Dick, cutting off any further discussion. 

Artemis nodded unsurely, instinctually knowing that something was off with the brash ending. She didn’t pry any further and bid her farewell. She could still feel the lump in her throat and prayed that there would be something to salvage when she came back. 

 

Cursing in every possible language she could muster, Zatanna slammed the ancient spell book shut and sent a flurry of dust and magic remnants flying into the air around her. She covered her face with her hands and screamed out of frustration, falling backwards into her couch. She screamed until her lungs ran out of air and in all honesty, her scream hadn’t helped much and in fact, had probably alerted her neighbours to call the police to report someone screaming bloody murder. Zatanna had tried everything in her power but every spell, incantation or some magic ritual pulled out from the dustiest of books, had led her to nothing. Nada. Zilch. Diddly squat. She’d been trying for years but every attempt to bring her dad back-to separate him from the Helmet of Fate-had proved fruitless. Zatanna was pulled out of her self-pity wallowing by a knock at her front door and she debated whether or not she could pretend to not be here until the person left. 

“Hello? Zee, it’s me,” a familiar voice called out behind the door. 

Zatanna’s mood lifted suddenly at the welcome distraction and breathed in deeply. She stood up from her couch, a bit more energy in her step, and surveyed her messy apartment. It hadn’t looked so messy while she was nose deep in her books. 

Standing in the carpeted hallway, Dick pressed his ear to the door without any thought as to how weird it might’ve looked, and listened to the unmistakable sound of Zatanna speaking backwards. Over the years, Dick had gotten pretty good at figuring out her backwards speech and a grin pulled his lips up as he deciphered Zatanna’s cleaning spell. He heard her light footsteps approaching the door and hurried to make himself look like he hadn’t been listening to the door. Like a switch, his charming demeanor was back just as Zatanna opened the door. Dick’s look of surprise was quickly replaced with a coy smirk and it didn’t go unnoticed when his eyes scanned Zatanna from the bottom up. There was something inherently adorable about the blue and black striped bed socks on her feet, the oversized sweater (that Dick swore used to be his) and the lopsided bun on her head that seemed to stay together by some magic.  
His eyes stopped once they locked on with Zatanna’s matching sly grin and as simple as that, the two ex-lovers fell back into their old ways. 

“Hi, Zee,” Dick greeted with his signature boyish grin plastered across his face. 

Zatanna gave Dick a once over, smiling coyly, “Hey, Dick.” 

She stepped aside, allowing Dick into her apartment which had miraculously been cleaned in the span of a couple of seconds. Her apartment was just as homely as the last time Dick had been here; the open living room and kitchen gave it the illusion of more space than it had and there was a sweet smell in the air that made Dick’s mouth water. Zatanna walked past Dick into the kitchen while his gaze landed on an old and dusty, leather-bound book covered in intricate silver carvings of a different language. 

“Would you like a drink, boy wonder?” Zatanna called out with her head in the fridge. 

Dick sighed and rolled his eyes, “Zee, I haven’t been Robin in ages.”

Zatanna emerged from the fridge and shrugged at Dick’s complaint. “Too bad, boy wonder,” she said, sipping her glass of water with an evident smirk on her face. 

Dick shook his head, unable to stop the smile pulling up at the corner of his lips. It was like old times; playful and flirty just like they were. Zatanna fussed around in the kitchen, trying to put together food for her unexpected guest. Dick made himself at home on a stool at the breakfast bar and noticed the scarcely supplied first-aid kit lying open on the counter. He frowned and observed Zatanna closely. He noticed the cuts on one hand pulled together by butterfly stitches and the edge of a white bandage sticking out from the bottom of her pyjama shorts. The whole scenario became reminiscent of the times Dick had stayed over; waking up to Zatanna covered in as many injuries as he had and flitting around the kitchen to make her ‘specialty’-her post-mission breakfast (or brunch depending on the time of day they had woken up). There was a longing in Dick’s chest, somewhere buried behind a mountain of other factors and stresses in his life.  
It kind of made him regret ending things with Zatanna. 

“Rough night, Zee?” Dick asked. 

Zatanna snorted, “Who knew demons could be so mean?”

Dick raised an eyebrow, wondering if he had missed some big League mission, “League?”

“Personal, actually,” Zatanna mumbled. 

There was a heavy pause between them while Zatanna mixed something in a bowl. Dick wanted to ask-he really did-but something about the way her face gloomed answering him told him it was probably best to leave it at that. 

“So,” she said, dragging out the sound, “what’s got you coming all the way out here to my humble abode anyway? You couldn’t make it to the Watchtower?”

“I prefer intimate visits,” Dick answered cheekily. 

Zatanna’s sly smile returned at Dick’s response and as quickly as it came, the small amount of tension left. Dick cleared his throat and decided to just rip the band-aid off. 

“I need a favour from you, Zee,” Dick said slowly, testing for Zatanna’s reaction.

Zatanna cocked an eyebrow, letting Dick continue. 

“I need a Glamour charm for a mission.” 

Zatanna waited for a second; she waited for the laughter or for a sign that Dick was joking. But his face stayed serious. She ran her hands across her face, attempting to process what he’d just said. 

“Why on Earth would you ever need a Glamour charm, Dick?” Zatanna mumbled into her hands. 

Dick scratched the back of his neck awkwardly and avoided her eye peeking out over the top of her finger. 

“I...I can’t tell you about the mission, Zee. I’m sorry. It’s just…” he trailed off.

Zatanna rolled her eyes.“Of course it is. ‘It’s a secret, Zee’. Everything’s a secret with you,” she said bitterly, a slight annoyance to her tone. 

A tense silence fell over the apartment. Zatanna gripped the edge of the counter, tapping her nails against the marble surface. Dick shifted in his seat, making it puff as the air inside shifted around. Even after all these years, Dick couldn’t tell what was going on inside Zatanna’s head right now. She looked deep in thought; her eyebrows creased towards the middle and her lips pursed and tilted upwards slightly. Somewhere in the room, the clock ticked over another hour and the fridge hummed quietly as the cooling system whirred to life. Zatanna let out a heavy sigh. Dick reached across the marbled surface and placed his hand over her clenched fist. She looked up and her eyes looked...tired; like she was carrying a weight no one else could fathom. 

“Zee, do you trust me?” 

She tried to find a lie in those blue eyes. She really tried. But, she couldn’t find even the smallest hint of a lie. All she could see was the bright, cheeky glint only slightly dulled by age and experience. She saw Robin; her Boy Wonder. She saw the man who’d carried her through so much grief and the man who’d been her lover-the man she loved. Well, the man she still loved. As much as Zatanna knew that he was a damn good liar, she couldn’t find it in herself to go looking for it anymore. So, she nodded. Her chest tightened at the charming smile he gave her and she suddenly became acutely aware of the comforting warmth of his hand over her own. Yeah, those kinds of feelings never did go away. 

 

Zatanna was almost sad to see Dick gather his things and head out the door of her apartment but she’d missed him-as a friend or more, she didn’t know. Hours had elapsed since his arrival and for the first time in a long time, she felt caught up with the happenings of the Team. Sure, she had Artemis to give her the gossip but that was different; it was nice to hear it from a different perspective.  
Zatanna leant against the door, propping it open with her back and whistled lowly as Dick walked away with his back to her. Hey, sue her for appreciating the fine artwork that was Dick Grayson. 

Dick chuckled and turned, “Zee, dinner tomorrow night? We should catch up some more and maybe I can change your mind about that charm?” 

Zatanna rolled her eyes, shaking her head slightly with a laugh. “Dinner?” 

Dick nodded, pressing the elevator button. Deep down, he knew what he was doing and the intentions he planned underneath the innocent offer of dinner. He knew it was wrong. He knew that if she ever found out, if Artemis didn’t shoot him in the head, Zatanna would probably send him to Hell (literally). But he had to. 

“Just dinner,” he promised, crossing over his chest with his finger. 

“It’s never ‘just dinner’ with you, Dick,” Zatanna called out. 

She laughed at the mock offence he took at her comment. He stepped into the awaiting elevator but stuck his head out. 

“So?” Dick grinned. 

Zatanna sighed, “Fine. But just so you know, you’re still not innocent.”

“You love me, Zee! I’ll pick you up at six!” 

As the elevator began to descend, Zatanna could hear the faint remnants of his laughter echoing up the elevator shaft and sighed longingly. If only he realised how true his words were. 

 

There was a fond, almost envious, smile on the restaurant host’s face as he watched Dick and Zatanna head out into cool night with their arms linked. It was always nice to see a young couple who looked so in love. Except they weren’t a couple-not anymore, anyway.  
Zatanna leaned her head against Dick’s shoulder, absorbing the ridiculous amount of warmth that radiated off his body. He didn’t flinch or bat an eye at the gesture, instead, he found it rather nice. Zatanna recognised the familiar streets; she’d been past them and on them all those times she’d spent in Dick’s apartment. It was where they were both headed now. Neither of them felt compelled enough to go their separate ways after dinner. It had been a long time since either of them had had any free time to be around friends or do something that didn’t involve their ‘other’ lives. Zatanna was preoccupied with the League and her day job as a performance magician and still looking for a way to free her father. And if Dick wasn’t helping with Batman or the League, he was kept busy looking after the Team. Artemis barely had time to spend with Zatanna for girls’ night, split between schoolwork and living a normal life with Wally; it was something Zatanna wished for on the days she felt alone. But, tonight was what she needed. She needed a break, a distraction, someone to take her away from her work and it didn’t even matter to her that she could see where tonight was headed-it was probably another sleepless night but perhaps, in the best way possible.

“Do you ever wonder what would’ve happened if you had joined the League when they offered it?” 

Dick was startled by the sudden question. Of course he’d thought about it before, imagined how different his life would be if he had joined the League and how different they would’ve been. Maybe they would’ve stayed together and maybe nights like these would’ve been more often. 

Dick mumbled, “Do you mean what would’ve happened to us?” 

Zatanna laughed, covering the fact that she was panicking internally. She wondered if he’d caught on to the truth about how she really felt about him and the fact that, after so long, they had never gone away. The rest of the walk back to Dick’s apartment was in a comfortable quiet; neither of them feeling a need to fill the silence with sound. 

 

His apartment hadn’t changed much since the last time she had been there. It was still just as messy but with a few new additions of the houseplants that lined his kitchen window. Zatanna felt a sense of home in his apartment, but she probably shouldn’t have. The last time she had been here was the time she’d come over to drop off files for Dick to give to Bruce. She’d waltzed in through the unlocked door-a habit she had gotten approval for-right into a very intimate moment between him and Barbara. It wasn’t a fun memory for Zatanna. She strolled over to a framed photo on the small dining table and smiled fondly. Carefully, she picked up the photo and looked over it. It seemed so long ago but she remembered it was the first official Team photo after Zatanna joined it; everyone looked so young and happy. She sensed Dick’s presence behind her and his hand reached around to take the photo, setting it back down on the table. His hand gently brushed her arm before sliding down to her waist, turning her so she faced him. 

“That was after we started dating, you know?” Dick said in a soft whisper.

He brushed Zatanna’s hair behind her ear, cupping her face with his hand. She leaned into the gentle touch and sighed happily, almost content. She knew what he was doing but didn’t want it to stop. She knew that once this was over, they’d go back to being ‘just friends’. Why did she want this so much then? 

“I’m still not giving you the charm, Dick,” Zatanna said in an almost sing-song manner. 

Dick snorted and hoisted her up to sit on the dining table. “Let’s just forget all of that. I want to focus on you...on us.” 

 

When the sun finally poked through the morning fog, Zatanna had already gotten herself ready to head up to the Watchtower. She admired Dick, still tangled up with the sheets around the bottom of his torso and his legs. His long hair defied gravity and sat in a haphazard bird’s nest on his head. Yeah, it didn’t help her get over her feelings for him but it didn’t hurt either. Walking across the floorboards, each and every step Zatanna took squeaked under her feet but Dick remained dead asleep to the world. She took a deep breath and set down a black, leather jewellery box on the bedside table with an air of finality. She hoped her gift would go to something worthwhile. As a final, more personal touch, she pressed her lips firmly against the folded note and stained the corner of the white paper with her scarlet coloured lipstick; a permanent kiss imprinted onto the paper. There was a longing in her chest to stay with him for just a while longer but the beeping around her wrist reminded her that duty called. Gathering her belongings, Zatanna admired him for just a moment more before her mouth uttered an incantation and she was gone in a flurry of  
smoke.

Dick reached across his body for a warm body to hold, an automatic reaction, but grabbed at nothing but cold sheets. He peered out through one half-lidded eye and was more than a little disappointed to find Zatanna had long gone. He huffed and rolled onto his back, limbs flailing out from under the sheets. His hand brushed against a piece of paper on his bedside table and he frowned. He turned onto his side and propped himself up on his elbow. Dick almost laughed at the bright red lipstick stain on the corner of the paper and the sheer level of cheesiness Zatanna had obtained. His name was written in the middle of the note as though anyone else would find the note and assume it were for them. Dick glanced at the black box that had been under the note but picked it up cautiously, not wanting to get his hopes up. He sat up cross-legged with the box lying in his lap. 

The note read, “Whatever you’re doing, be careful. Thanks for ‘dinner’, boy wonder. Zatanna x”

Setting the note aside, Dick took the box and opened it. He grinned at the gold shimmering charm nestled amongst black suede and made a mental note to thank Zatanna later. As the reality of what it meant to have the charm set in, he felt the guilt start to settle in his stomach like off-date food; heavy, sinking and like a very bad idea. A thought crossed his mind; is this what it felt like to slowly turn into Bruce? 

 

Zatanna couldn’t shake the horrible, twisting feeling in her gut. She had been part way through a mission with the remaining on-world members of the League when she’d gotten the message from Mal; there was an emergency with the Team and she was needed back at the Cave. Something you learnt from being part of the hero business was that emergencies after missions were never a good sign. 

The computer announced Zatanna’s arrival into the Cave and already she could feel the sombre mood. She hurried to the living room where Mal had said everyone would be but stopped abruptly. No one was speaking above a hushed whisper and not to anyone that wasn’t in their immediate vicinity. A few heads turned to acknowledge the new arrival but only seemed sadder upon realising it was Zatanna who had shown up. She slowly and tentatively walked around people; each of them seemingly in various stages of sadness. But it didn’t seem like it was just sadness, more like grief. The dreadful feeling at the pit of her stomach seemed to sink deeper, as though it were possible, the closer she got to Mal. He was comforting Karen with a hug that engulfed her entire upper body but pulled away from her as Zatanna approached them. 

“Mal! What’s going on? What happened?” She demanded, voice rising with worry as she counted heads and realised there were a couple members of the mission who weren’t here. 

Mal sighed regretfully and gently placed a hand on her shoulder. She didn’t mean to, but her automatic response was to step back out of reach like it would soften the blow of whatever bad news he was about to give her. She felt sick; a nauseating, sinking feeling that made her want to curl into a ball, hide under her covers and never leave. 

“You might want to sit, Zatanna,” Mal advised. 

Stubborn and, in all honesty, too scared to move, Zatanna stayed planted to the floor. Her boots forced themselves against the floor, steadying her shaking legs so she wouldn’t fall. Mal looked unsurely at all the desolate faces around him and swallowed thickly, mentally and physically bracing himself to tell Zatanna. There was an apprehensive look across her features and it only worsened the more he waited. 

“I-it’s Artemis. I’m so sorry, Zatanna. She-well, something terrible happened and…” Mal inhaled deeply, “Artemis is gone. She was killed by Kaldur on the mission today. I’m sorry.” 

For just a millisecond, Zatanna wanted to laugh. She wanted to double over with laughter and then punch Mal in the arm for his horrible joke. She wanted to feel anything else but the crushing vice in her chest that drew all the air out of her lungs; the feeling that had her entire body go cold all at once; the feeling that burned the corner of her eyes and filled them with too-hot tears; the heart wrenching, world crashing feeling of loss that pushed her so far under she couldn’t hear the screaming and wailing until her throat burned. It was her. Her hands clutched at her chest in a hopeless attempt to quell the twisting ache and the burning feeling as she drew in ragged breaths. 

“You’re lying!” 

There was undeniable anger and grief in her voice at her accusation. Mal took the brunt of it, knowing she meant nothing by it. No one had ever seen Zatanna-their confident, flirty resident magician-so distraught and so completely broken. Rocket approached Zatanna and made an attempt to help her off the ground but the heartbreaking grief kept her seemingly glued to the floor. There was nothing anyone could do to ease the pain. How could you ease the pain of someone who had lost their best friend? 

 

The entire weight of the world appeared to rest on Dick’s shoulders and in a sense, the world’s safety really was dependant on whether the mission was a success or not. But for someone barely at the end of their teens, it was a lot; it took a heavy toll on Dick. He’d gotten the message from Barbara only moments after he watched Wally disappear in a blurry streak. She’d said Zatanna had been headed to his apartment and he expected that he’d have some serious comforting to do. 

He didn’t expect her to attack him after being in his apartment for a good second or so. 

The force of Zatanna’s shove to his chest knocked the air out of him and his back stung momentarily from the impact with his front door. If it were any other day, he might’ve laughed but the furious expression etched onto Zatanna’s tear-stained face was the furthest thing from laughable. He opened his mouth, barely wide enough to fit a straw, and all hell broke loose in the form of Zatanna’s anger. 

“It’s all your fault! You asked her to do this stupid fucking mission for you and now she’s gone, Dick! Artemis is…” Zatanna’s yelling trailed off suddenly. 

Being at the receiving end of someone’s anger had been something Dick had grown accustomed to with his life as a vigilante but Zatanna’s anger was something else; raw in anger and powerful in its expression. Maybe it was because she didn’t get angry; frustrated, irritated, pissed-off perhaps, but not angry. But the anger fizzled out as soon as it started. Zatanna’s hands shook and the tears started streaming down her face once more. Dick approached her slowly, like someone would approach a wounded animal. As soon as his hand made contact with her arm, Zatanna fell into his chest. Her shoulders heaved with every stuttered breath she took in and her crying turned to gurgles, hiccups punctuating each sound. Dick held her as closely as he could. She was right; it was his fault but not in the way she meant. The two of them stood in the middle of the apartment with their arms around one another and not a single word was uttered. He let her cry into his shirt. He didn’t move. He didn’t try to comfort her with words he knew would be meaningless. 

“S-sorry. I know it’s-it’s not r-really your f-fault. I just…” Zatanna breathed shakily. 

Dick shushed her, pressing his cheek against the top of her head. He could feel her breathing even out as it fanned across his neck but still, they didn’t pull apart. There was a familiarity between their embrace; a feeling of comfort and security that hadn’t been there for a long time. 

“I’m sorry, Zee. I should’ve done...something,” Dick broke the silence, his voice croaky from disuse. 

She shook her head against his chest, a silent disagreement to his apology. 

“I promised her I wouldn’t let you be alone and I’m going to keep that promise, Zee” he mumbled tiredly.

It was as though everything leading up to today had finally caught up to him. All the long nights, the missions and the lies; all of it crashed down onto him in a wave of exhaustion, pulling him under and deeper. He was tired. He was tired of it all. 

 

The one day it decided not to rain in Gotham was undeniably one of the saddest days. Not even the shining sun could make the mood pleasant. ‘Artemis would’ve enjoyed the sunshine’, Zatanna thought. The gathering of heroes, friends and family all dressed in black had dispersed, headed back to the wake but Zatanna was alone. She knelt down by the headstone, her fingers trailing over the engraved letters. Even now, knowing Artemis was buried under a mound of dirt, the whole thing felt surreal. How could someone as badass as Artemis be gone? How could her best friend be gone? 

Dick turned back and looked forlornly at Zatanna kneeling in the grass by Artemis’ headstone. He felt torn; wanting to give her space to say goodbye but knowing that buried in that plot was just an empty coffin. A familiar hand clapped down onto his shoulder and there was a heavy sigh; a single breath filled with so much guilt. 

“Barry told me no one has seen her since…” Wally’s words drifted, unable to find the right term to finish his sentence. “They’re all worried about her. Maybe you should  
see how she’s doing.” 

Dick nodded, adhering to Wally’s advice for once in his life, and walked over to Zatanna. With every step he took, he seemed more and more weighed down by the guilt of everything. There was an internal struggle in his head; should he or shouldn’t he? Would it matter if he told her? There didn’t seem to be an answer that would lessen the blow to Zatanna either way. Dick stopped behind Zatanna and tentatively placed his hand on her shoulder; a gesture reminiscent of the early days, only this time, reversed. Her hand came up to hold his wrist as an anchoring point while she cried silently. There was no screaming or wailing; just quiet tears that rolled off her skin like dew off a leaf. 

“It doesn’t seem real.” 

Zatanna’s voice was unnervingly calm. There was no sign of her grief; her sadness; her heartbreak. She could’ve been reading the morning newspaper in the same tone. Dick expected a tremble or a shake in her voice; not the mellow tone that accompanied her words. 

“I’m so sorry, Zee,” he mumbled sincerely.  
He wished there were other words except ‘sorry’ to say to her but that’s all he could muster. It wasn’t like he wasn’t sorry; he was sorry for a lot of things. He was sorry for lying to her; for using their past history to get something from her; for putting her through so much grief; for being true to his namesake-an absolute dick.  
Zatanna could still hear Artemis’ advice to her from the night before she went on this cursed mission; she told Zatanna to take life by the balls before it was too late. The irony didn’t miss Zatanna; it hit her square in the face, actually. Thinking back to that night caused a squeezing pain in her chest and it suddenly got far too crowded in an empty graveyard. She stood, startling Dick, and turned around. Dick frowned at her sudden change in demeanour, unsure of what she was doing. Zatanna squeezed Dick’s hand gently and managed to muster up the smallest glimpse of a smile. 

“Give Wally a hug for me?” She asked, taking a step back away from Dick. 

As he nodded in response, Zatanna uttered a single word and in the blink of an eye, she was gone.

 

Out of everything-literally everything-Dick had ever done in his life, this was probably the riskiest and possibly stupidest thing he’d ever done. But he couldn’t take the guilt anymore. He couldn’t stand hearing that every day Zatanna was getting worse and worse. He just wanted her to be better. He’d made it clear at the beginning of planning this mission that once it started, they would only come together again once it was over or in the case of an emergency. This was technically an emergency.

So here they all were; Wally by Artemis’ (or rather, Tigress’) side, Kaldur standing apprehensively behind Dick. All four of them stood in front of Zatanna’s apartment and from a distance it looked like friends were visiting the friendly girl who lived in that apartment. Dick raised his hand to knock on the door and it seemed to take an eternity for the distinct sound of knocking to echo down the hallway. Quiet footsteps approached the door and if none of them were mistaken, there was the gentlest sigh from the other side; a sound of defeat. Zatanna opened the door and just the way she looked made everyone feel the accumulating guilt of one another. Her skin was sickly pale, making her face look gaunt and causing the dark circles under her eyes to almost look like bruises. The inside of her apartment was a mess, like someone had ransacked it from top to bottom and the clothes she was wearing were dishevelled and crumpled. There was no remnant left of the Zatanna they all knew and loved; she was covered under all the pain from grief. 

“There’s something you should know,” Dick said cautiously, stepping into the apartment. 

Zatanna stopped breathing and her eyes widened in disbelief. 

The past week or so without sleep must’ve been messing with her head; she swore she could see her dead best friend wearing her Glamour Charm standing next to the man who murdered her. Artemis went to take off the Glamour Charm but stopped at the slight shake of Dick’s head. Tentatively, she walked inside with Kaldur and Wally right behind her. Zatanna was too deep in trying to process everything to stop them. The gears in her head slowly turned, screeching and protesting the complex puzzle that had just been presented to her. Artemis opened her mouth to speak, to break the silence, but the words failed to find her. Zatanna could see right through the Glamour Charm’s powers; it was hers after all. She’d created the spell. The gears in her head finally all clicked in place and for the first time in weeks, she felt something other than nothing. The untapped power inside her bubbled to the surface. Books, dirty plates, mugs and pieces of clothing began to rise of their own accord, gravitating towards Zatanna. Her eyes were no longer blue but emitted a yellow glow. Everyone took a step back from her, unsure and afraid of what was happening. Her magics seemed to project outwards from her body, gathering objects from all around the apartment and hovered near her like ammunition ready to be hurled at something. 

“How could you lie to me?!” Zatanna cried out. 

But the voice that came from her mouth wasn’t Zatanna. It rattled the windows and cracked the glass cups in the sink. It was pure, unadulterated power that echoed behind her true voice. 

“Zatanna! Please, we were just trying to…” Artemis stopped. 

What had they been trying to do by not telling Zatanna? Protect her? 

The magic glow around Zatanna faded slowly and the objects around her fell to the floor with gentle thumps. Her feet touched back down onto the floor but the anger didn’t fade. She breathed in deeply, getting in control of her power. Her eyes stayed glue to the floor and she gritted her teeth, grabbing the door and throwing it back with a loud bang. 

“I can’t be around any of you right now,” she said quietly, scared that she would lose control again.

Zatanna lifted her head and her eyes, back to her normal bright blue hues, stared at Dick. There was so much hurt behind her eyes; so much distrust. Her face softened and she couldn’t stop the tremble of her lips. She was too angry to be happy that Artemis was alive; too angry to care that none of it had been true-that none of her horrible living nightmare was true; too angry to say anything or look at anyone in the eye. Except for Dick. He knew what we was doing when he came over to her apartment that day. He knew what would happen if he asked her to come back to his apartment. He knew it was never going to be ‘just dinner’. He knew Zatanna trusted him. He knew and still did it. 

“And you,” she spat, shoving him by the shoulders, “you used me.” 

There it was. 

The final piece of her heart that crumbled into dust. The crack in her voice and the shaking in her hands was enough for Dick to see that he’d really messed up this time. No longer was it wet anger; anger that was raw and heated. It was a dry anger; cutting words that rubbed salt into open wounds. Zatanna gestured out the door, breathing heavily; she seethed with anger but still, after everything, tried to keep it contained so those around her wouldn’t be hurt. 

“Get out. All of you, get out of my house now! Don’t come back, ever.” 

Artemis tried to catch Zatanna’s scathing gaze, an attempt to apologise through her actions. But Zatanna stayed glaring at the floor and refused to look at anyone while they filed out of her apartment quietly. 

“Zee…” 

Zatanna held up her hand, stopping Dick from saying anything else. 

“I hope you’re happy, Dick. I hope this mission of yours was worth sacrificing everything we had,” Zatanna seethed, speaking through gritted teeth.  
Dick was pushed out into the hallway with everyone else and the door slammed shut, echoing down the corridor. He should’ve known this would be the repercussion to his actions; to his decision. He should’ve known that choosing to act as his mentor did wouldn’t end up in his favour. He should’ve known he’d lose Zatanna; the girl he never fell out of love with. 

Wally placed his hand on Dick’s shoulder, guiding him to join Kaldur and Artemis. Dick breathed out shakily and trudged along next to the redhead. 

“I lost her.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading this!  
> please leave kudos and comments if you enjoyed it and please come yell at me on [tumblr](http://spacewife.tumblr.com) :) <3


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